I yelled repeatedly.

The man just stared at me bewildered and the other diners spun around to see what all the commotion was about. Perfect.

I picked up a flan and doing my best yodelling impression I began throwing them repeatedly around the room. The diners cowered at first but then a rather stern looking gentleman stood up and grabbed me by the wrist.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?"

"FLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!" I gurgled in reply.

"Look, that quite enough. Someone get the manager, call the police. I didn't come here for this nonsense!"

"No you didn't." I said solemnly, turning my eyes down towards the floor in an expression of shame. "You came here for....FLAAAAAAAN!"

With that I leapt onto the table and began to tip flans down the mans trousers as he stood gaping with shock and outrage. While he was pulling flan out of his trousers I did my award winning impression of a constipated goose trying the dance the waltz.

Another diner got up and yelled at me. "What on Earth is wrong with this mad man? He looks like a constipated goose dancing the waltz!"

I told you. Award-winning.

I kicked some more flans around during my impression when I was hit in the side of the head by a dinner roll. I turned around to see a nervous young man hiding behind a table cloth at the far end of the room.

"I-I'm sorry it's just..oh god, please don't kill me!"

I just winked at him and then my face turned into a mask of rage as I let out my battle cry and began hurling flans in his direction. "Fear me for I am Flanzor! Master of the moist dessert! Mwahaha!"

He began to retaliate and then soon so did the rest of his corner of the restaurant. Soon the whole restaurant turned into a massive food fight. As everything escalated, a quickly made my escape through the emergency-exit, honking like a goose all the while. Percy had already made his exit and was there waiting for me.

"Well Margaret, mission complete. Any more jobs from HQ?"

"Quite" said Margaret/Percy. "Yes, a carrier swan popped out of the sewer a few minutes ago, you must have missed it sir. It brought a high-priority job canister. Only you can open it sir."

Excited, I thoughtfully sucked the flan off of my finger as I examined the canister, I wondered what was so important.

RATE THIS BRANCH!

Click to View Author Guidance

The world can be frightfully dull place at times. Everything progresses in an orderly fashion, we are surrounded by plain, grey boring buildings where nothing odd happens and everything makes perfect sense.

The boredom, the mundanity of it all is killing us.

Nonsense, Inc. is one of the few organisations that can say it it is truly trying to save the world. Their agents are everywhere. That hobo in the alley, that irate waiter, that purple swan in your closet, ESPECIALLY the purple swan in your closet...

Nonsense, Inc. fights the forces of boredom and the mundane a little bit of nonsense at a time and in this story we follow the holy work of one of their agents as he goes about his missions. Or her missions. Like most Nonsense, Inc. agents, he's unlikely to conform to anything as conventional as gender for long...

Some rules follow:

1) This story is actually based in the real world, there is no magic, no super sci-fi technology that can make everything possible, so if you do decide to change something about the character such as their gender do so in a believable way, like cross-dressing or a sex-change.

2) Remember, you're bringing nonsense to the mundane, things should be normal before our character gets involved

&) Obey the flan.

q) Turn around 3 times before batting cushions around the room with a TV remote

v.) I like superfluous list items

updated Sep 22 by darkliquid