"All right, you darn little garbage-eater, you sadistic readers and merciless writers! I've made a decision," Joe announced, with an exaggerated sense of importance. "Well, it's more of a request. No, a demand! Yes, I have demands!"

The seagull made a coughing noise of sorts, and it ceased to rhyme.

"Earlier, I was thinking I'd be better off in a different story. But, well, I've thought better of it. You see, I think I'm as deserving as any other leading protagonist. So, I want my own story!"

The seagull watched, nonplussed.

"Yeah, well, don't look at me like that. C-cause... that's not exactly what I meant. I want a story that makes sense. You've relentlessly bullied me with these past dozen and one chapters. And in the process, you've thrown verisimilitude out the window!"

The bird began to nibble on a stray piece of old pizza that littered the ground. It seemed to be ignoring Joe.

"I deserve a story that's normal, that makes sense, and that goes from an inciting incident towards a climax smoothly. I want symbolism, character development, a decent love interest, the works! Not this Davy nobody, he's not even attractive! I can't stand the man."

The gull made a choking sound, as it struggled to swallow the crust of the pizza.

"And, well, I know you sodding nincompoops are capable of that! And if you aren't, then bugger off!"

Just then, it began to pour rain as if the narrator felt insulted and had become angry with Joe. And, in the distance, came Davy's approach.

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Click to View Author Guidance

This is the story of Davy and Joe.

Joe is aware that they are in a story, being written by an author (well, authors hopefully).

Davy is not.

Davy (unwittingly) just wants the story to move along.

Joe is quite insistent that it be a *good* story.

Davy is a friendly, good-natured fellow.

Joe is a dick.

“Don’t think I can’t see this sunshine!”

Joe is fond of using British insults since there are so many more options that don’t resort to swear words, which he considers himself above using.

“You’re a real bloody tragedy mate, just stop typing.”

Davy is the real hero of the story – without him it wouldn’t go anywhere.

“Well that’s a bit much, isn’t it?”

Joe likes to get the last word in.

“You’re taking longer to write this ‘author’ guidance than you did to write the story!”

updated Sep 19 by Eloosive